Worm causes computer crash

A Somerset man suspected a worm virus when his computer crashed - but was shocked to learn the problem was a real wom.

Mark Taylor called out an IT repairmen who found a five inch earthworm inside his laptop, reports the Daily Telegraph.

It had crawled into his computer through an air vent and wrapped itself around the internal fan, leading to a total breakdown.

Mr Taylor, 45, suspects the culprits were his two cats who are in the habit of pouncing on earthworms outside and bringing them into the house.

Mr Taylor, from Yeovil, said: "The worm was obviously looking for a hiding place and must have crawled in through the air vent to get away from the cats.

"I couldn't help thinking that people get computer worms all the time, but not real life ones."

Computer technician Sam Robinson, 28, who discovered the worm said: "I took the back off and had a look inside. Then I spotted what at first I thought was some sort of hair band or elastic band wrapped around the fan.

"I soon discovered that it was a worm which had been burned to a frazzle. It had obviously wrapped around the fan when somebody had turned on the computer and caused the breakdown due to the fan jamming.

"Needless to say I hadn't come across a problem like this before but was happy to sort it out for Mark."

Source: Ananova.com

Funny insurance claims

The statements below are taken from actual insurance accident claims forms. They are real, true (you can't make up this kind of stuff). Read 'em and laugh and be glad it wasn't you.

Incidents with Pedestrians. The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him. The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again. I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact. Accidents with other vehicles. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought. The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle. I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before. I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intesection) Collisions, calamities, and injuries. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end. I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket. The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo. Who is to Blame? No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert. I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke. The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week. Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo. No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened. I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way. The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 miniutes early. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk. The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind. I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.

'Mickey Mouse' lawyers to sue thousands for defamation

One of the largest and most expensive libel suits in world history has been filed at Grapefruit County Courthouse, California, by lawyers representing the cartoon character Mickey Mouse.

The two and a half thousand page document is said to contain the names of over 250 sports commentators and nearly 1400 journalists, television presenters and actors.

'Rob Allofem', head of the Mickey Mouse legal team outlined the details of the brief.

"Our client has become aware of a decline in public opinion with respect to his good name and reputation of one of America' most recognizable and up to recently most marketable brand names, 'Mickey Mouse'. 

"We have been instructed to seek punitive damages from a number corporations and high profile individuals who have in the past, referred on record, to sub standard performances or organization's as being 'Mickey Mouse' or a 'Mickey Mouse effort.

"When I tell people I'm a Mickey Mouse lawyer people snigger down their sleeves at me, what's wrong with Mickey?

"My wife loves a bit of Mickey, some people say he's too big, like a six foot rat, but she maintains that theres nothing as satisfying as a lovely big Mickey."

Source: www.thespoof.com

Facebook love hoax stuns Man Utd fan

A Man United fan drove 400 miles to meet a woman he had been chatting to online - only to find it was a hoax set up by Liverpool fans.

Married Stuart Slann, 39, from Sheffield, made the trip to a remote farm in Scotland to meet the women he had been flirting with for weeks, reports the Daily Mail.

But when he arrived at the house 'Emma' was nowhere to be seen. Three hours later the pranksters called him and confessed it was all a trick.

They taped the conversation and put it onto video-sharing website YouTube and Facebook accompanied by an embarrassing photo.

Mr Slann's wife, Louise, 32, then discovered that he had intended to have an affair and ended their marriage.

He met the two Liverpudlians during a holiday in Cancun, Mexico, where they spent their time arguing about their teams who are bitter North-West rivals.

When the Liverpool fans returned to the UK they came up with the plan to humiliate him by setting up a false Facebook account pretending to be a Scottish woman called Emma.

Mr Slann added: "I'd been chatting to this girl on Facebook for about a month or so. I really thought she was genuine, and I had no reason to doubt it.

"On the night she asked me to Scotland I was on the road for about nine hours. And then when I got to this remote farm she sent me a text to say she was still in work.

"That's what made it worse, not only had I driven for nine hours, but I had to wait for about another three and a half hours for her to finish work. Then when I got the call to say it was all a hoax I just felt awful."

Mans insurance claim for cigars being 'destroyed in a fire' backfires spectacularly

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

Source: www.funlol.com

No Free Rides, Not Even to Jail

Dumb: Committing a burglary. Dumber: Committing a burglary and taking a cab from the scene. Dumberer: Committing a burglary, taking a cab from the scene and then offering to trade the stuff you stole as cab fare.

That’s just what happened, according to the Toledo Blade.The guy broke into a restaurant, stole hundreds of dollars worth of stuff and then hailed a cab, probably because he left his bus pass at home.

The driver didn’t think much of it at first. He took him to his destination, then he asked him to take him to an ATM because he didn’t have the cash to pay. He only had $9 in his account. I’ll bet he lost most of it when he invested in Enron in ‘05.

Then the guy offers the driver part of his loot to pay for the fare, so the cabbie calls the cops.

Source: www.dumbcriminals.com

University opens porn course

A university in Taiwan has opened a course to teach students how to appreciate and analyse porn movies.

The Mass Communication Department of Providence University opened the course this semester, reports United Daily News.

To pass the course, students must give a 15 minute presentation in which they analyse an audience's psychological reaction to a porn clip from an academic perspective.

One worried student, who did not wish to be named, commented: "If I get a very good score in this course, I don't know how I'll explain it to my parents."

When registering for the voluntary course, students signed a paper agreeing that if the scenes were too explicit, they could choose to leave the classroom

The teacher, assistant professor Miss Chen Mingmei, said no students had ever left her class but some would briefly cover their eyes during the stronger scenes.

More than 50 students registered for the course, and most of them confessed that they had watched porn videos before.

Curiosity was given as the main reason for taking the course and most admitted their parents did not know what they were studying.

Another student admitted: "I am really worried my parents will see the score report when it is mailed home. I won?t know what to say if I get a high score

"However if I fail the course, I can speak to my parents and suggest that maybe I should watch more porn."

Source: www.ananova.com